


But It's Missed When It's Gone

by callmejude



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Dubious Morality, HYDRA Trash Party, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1785523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmejude/pseuds/callmejude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The soldier has never asked for anything before, and he can’t ask for this, but he has to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But It's Missed When It's Gone

“Wipe him,” Pierce snarls, patting Rumlow on the arm as the others follow him out the door. “Start over.”

The soldier waits until the others leave before seizing the rare opportunity he always has with Rumlow. “Please,” he says, his voice quiet, “Let me keep it.”

Rumlow seems surprised, and the soldier winces. He only ever acts surprised when people won’t get their way. He looks over his shoulder to check for certain that Pierce and the others are gone before turning his mocking expression back to the soldier. “Excuse me?”

The soldier reaches for Rumlow, but he steps away, out of his reach. “Please,” the soldier says again, “As a favour.”

Rumlow frowns. “Favours are for when I share my food or shave your face. This is bigger than that. You want me to go against a direct order?”

The soldier bows his head. He had never asked for those other things. Rumlow just always told him “I’m doing you a favour. Now you do one for me.” He’s never asked for anything before, and he can’t ask for this, but he has to try.

“I knew him,” the soldier says again, voice soft. He barely understands what it means to remember anything, let alone a man he’d never met before. “Please.”

Rumlow makes a face, like he’s considering, and the soldier reaches out for his belt again. Rumlow grabs his right wrist and tugs, forcing him to look up. “You gotta stop saying that,” he says, “Or they’ll know.”

The soldier nods. He’ll do anything he has to do to keep it. He’ll never say another word. “You’re still gonna have to kill the bastard,” Rumlow points out, “Wouldn’t you rather have him wiped?”

The soldier shakes his head. He needs it, the memory. It makes him feel - he isn’t even sure what the feeling is, but he _needs_ it. Even if it means killing the source. He can kill the man on the bridge. He just wants to remember him.

Rumlow sighs and looks over his shoulder again. “All right,” he says, threading his belt open and unbuttoning his pants. He pulls himself out of his boxers and gives himself a few strokes before muttering, “Just this once.”

The soldier leans forward and takes Rumlow in his mouth, lips tight, jaw slack, like he’d taught him. The soldier rolls his tongue over the underside and Rumlow makes a soft noise. The soldier looks up to watch his face for cues, and feels his own body respond when Rumlow’s face becomes the man on the bridge.

He sucks harder, watching his jaw clench. Rumlow’s voice comes out of his mouth, “You really wanna keep this, don’t you?”

The soldier groans because it’s all he can do, and closes his eyes when Rumlow’s features start to peek through again. He thinks of blond hair and a bewildered face. _Bucky?_

The soldier pulls back to tongue at the tip, and a hand suddenly clenches in his hair. He knows it’s Rumlow, but he clenches his eyes tight around the memory of the bridge, keeps that face looking down at him as he rolls his lips back down.

_Bucky._

He wants to please him. He _has_ to. He’ll give him everything, just for a moment, and then he can keep him. He’ll have to kill him soon, but it won’t matter. It won’t matter because the soldier can keep him this way. Everyone dies, but he’ll have the man on the bridge forever.

Hips jerk down his throat and the soldier tilts his head. He’s close, just a moment longer. Then he can keep it, and nothing else will matter.

The soldier hears Rumlow’s voice shout _”Fuck!”_ as come fills his mouth. He swallows quickly to keep from choking and Rumlow’s hands shove him back. The soldier feels dazed to be back where he is, and Rumlow notices, eyes flashing.

For a moment, the soldier thinks Rumlow is going to mock him, but he doesn’t. He tucks himself quickly back into his pants before his hand is back in the soldier’s hair. He tugs hard, his other hand reaching up and wiping come from the soldier’s mouth. “Now go finish your mission.”

The soldier nods.

It’s the only way to keep him.

**Author's Note:**

> title from "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New


End file.
